I created this blog as a creative outlet and to immortalize my thoughts. Today, I’m immortalizing my thoughts as a direct result of what’s happening with the United Methodist Church this week. This is not a post about the politics of the church. I’ve long considered myself a Methodist and at the end of this week, I’m left with more questions than answers. But without further ado—
I knew I was gay at a very young age. It’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly when, but for as long as I can remember romantic or sexual interests, I’ve known I was gay.
I also grew up in a Christian household. We weren’t a family that went to church every Sunday, but the adults taught us the teachings of Christ and we went to church from time to time. I’ve always had a loving family and I am privileged to say that I never feared how my religious family would react to my sexuality. They taught me from the very beginning that God isn’t an institution or a set of bylaws. God is love.
That isn’t to say that I never struggled with my faith. I grew up in a Baptist church with Baptist teachings in Kentucky. My teachers weren’t always the most progressive and for the longest time I was led to believe that homosexuality wasn’t natural. I know now that isn’t the case, but that didn’t stop my 14-year-old mind from questioning literally everything. Over the years I’ve read scripture, dozens of online posts, and watched a million videos of people of faith talking about the intersection of faith and homosexuality and it hasn’t always been positive. But to me, God is and always will be love.
There are thousands and thousands of things for you to read about what the scripture says and how to interpret it and this blog post isn’t going to add to the chorus. I know about my relationship with God and my relationship with the church and that’s really all that I can speak for.
To me, my relationship with God is spiritual and very personal. I pray daily, I’m extraordinarily thankful for the blessings I’ve had, and I have a hard time reconciling an institution telling me that my love is invalid.
The church’s actions this week isn’t going to take my relationship with God away. I’m still going to pray. I’m still confused, but my faith remains strong.
My heart is broken this week. Even though gay rights in this country have come a long way, this week is a reminder that there is still a long way to go. My heart is also broken for those who aren’t able to be themselves and are facing an institution that has rejected them this week.
Regardless, I’m choosing to lead a life full of love and please know that if you’re stumbling upon this (even years after it has been published), please do not hesitate to reach out. My inbox, private messages, etc, are a safe space and now more than ever it’s important to stand with other members of our LGBTQ+ family.
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